What Shouldn't Have Been
by talena
Summary: A Series of Songfics dedicated to Season 2
1. I Don't Wanna Cry

I Don

****Title: I Don't Wanna Cry  
**Author:** [talena][1]**  
Disclaimers**: Nothing belongs to me, well the story does, but oh well.  
**Spoilers:** Post- CYN   
**Category: **Liz angst  
**Rating/Genre:** PG/Angst  
**A/N:** first Roswell Fic, and I think it's bad, but please send constructive criticism.

_ Once again we sit in silence _

Liz sat huddled in her chair, staring, but not seeing the candles that surrounded her balcony. Thoughts ran through her head, the ones that seemed to haunt her no matter what. Future Max, the end of the world, the look of hurt on Max's face seeing her in bed with Kyle, Alex's death…the pain from it all still persisted, and all she could see was darkness, and all she could hear was silence.

_ After all that's said and done _

He was so cruel towards her, and the pain of seeing him with Tess was so unbearable. He was so quick to defend Tess, even if she had not been accusing her of Alex's death, as Max had so blatantly indicated that she had. Of course she should be happy… the future had changed. She had saved the world with her unselfishness, willingly she had sacrificed her happiness.

_ Only emptiness inside us _

But why did she have to feel so alone? So empty? And there were those times when she would see the same mirrored in his own eyes, but it would disappear quickly and he would become impassive.

_ Baby, look what we've become _

Everything had changed between them; there was always an air of tenseness that had never been there before. She was no longer comfortable being around him, for fear of seeing him happy with Tess, and to be reminded of her unhappiness of not being with him.

_We can make a million promises _

But this had been her promise to Future Max, to make him fall out of love with her. And since that moment, she had made a promise to herself, a promise to forget…forget everything. Her happiness, her heart, her love…her Max.

_But we still won't change _

She had broken one of those promises, she still remembered, she still loved, and she still yearned. For a while, he had continued to love her, and not only when she told him that she had indeed slept with Kyle, did he run to Tess's awaiting arms. 

_It isn't right to stay together _

He had asked of they could still remain friends, and she had willingly agreed, knowing that he still loved and cared for her in a way of friendship.

_When we only bring each other pain _

But he had somehow managed to hurt her, in ways that he seemed oblivious to. He was killing her inside, and he had no idea that he was doing so.

__I don't want to cry  
_Don't wanna cry_

Liz shook her head, tears were streaming down her face and she wiped them away fiercely. She couldn't do this anymore. She shouldn't cry for something that was so unreachable to her. She wasn't going to cry anymore, she didn't want to. She just couldn't.

_Nothing in the world  
Could take us back  
To where we used to be _

It was impossible, and that unreachable hope had all but disappeared. I can't love him anymore. I can't be with him. Liz stood up and looked around her balcony, a wave of memories washing themselves over her. Max visiting her every night when they first started dating. Lying in each other's arms while they gazed at the twinkling stars in the sky. Those passionate kisses and intense gazes that made her melt and fall in love with him all over again. But it was over. And they would never be able to go back to those days, those wonderful days when they were allowed to be in love, when Max didn't have a destiny to fulfill. But, as she had already stated, the hope that she had harbored was as distant as the little stars that lit the sky._ _

_Though I've given you my heart and soul  
I must find a way to let you go _

She had willingly given him everything, her heart, her soul, since that day he had saved her in the Crashdown. She knew from that moment that they would always be together, but in all reality, she had been wrong, and now that he had moved on, so must she.

_'Cause baby, I don't wanna cry  
__Too far apart to bridge the distance _

He was so distant now, always with Tess, recovering memories of a past lifetime and of a past love. But it wasn't all his fault that there was a wide chasm between them, she too had been drawing away from him, away from everyone, the world, away from her heart.

__But something keeps us hanging on and on  
__Pretending not to know the difference 

They had remained friends, the familiar concern and affections still there. Each not wanting to admit that things had really changed between them.

__Denying what we had was gone  
__Every moment we're together 

Liz still clung onto that hope that one day she would be able to be with Max again. That one day he would learn to love her again. The day his destiny was fulfilled, then everything could go back to the way they were.__

__Is just breaking me down  
__I know we swore it was forever 

But every time they were together, she felt her heart breaking at the tenderness he showed towards Tess. The tenderness that had once been directed towards her. They had promised to always love one another, no matter what, they would love one another._ _

_But it hurts too much to stay around   
  
"Your destiny is with Tess. I can't stand in the way of that; I couldn't live with myself if I did." _

And she walked away from Max, not even looking back. She left behind her heart on that cliff that day.

__I__ don't wanna cry  
Don't wanna cry

Tears streamed down her face, tears that Liz did not want to shed. She had made her choice, but it was the most difficult and painful choice she had ever made. _Oh Max._

__Nothing in the world  
Could take us back  
_To where we used to be_

"Liz, babe?" Maria's voice called out to her. "Liz?"

"I'm up here Maria!" Liz gently wiped her tears away, calming her breaths. Liz listened to the information Maria had just received, and they began to pack for a road trip to Las Cruses.

_Though I've given you my heart and soul  
I must find a way of letting go _

I need you to help me fall out of love with you. I need you to help me fall out of love with you. Oh god, those were the words that had shattered her heart. The words spoken from the man she had loved, the only man she could ever love, the man that was her husband. But she had done what was right, her happiness could not compare to the lives of millions others. So she had simply let go.   
  
__'Cause baby, I don't wanna cry  
All the magic's gone  
  
Liz closed her eyes at the memory of the dance that was supposed to be her wedding dance. The candlelight sparkled around her magically as she danced with Future Max, and just as he had disappeared, so did all the magic.

__There's just a shadow of a memory  
_Something just went wrong  
___We can't go on make-believing 

"Liz?"

"Yeah Maria?"

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah." Liz smiled at her friend before turning to look out the window into the night sky where an illusion entered her mind and she realized that it was the wedding she would never have.__

__I don't wanna cry  
_Don't wanna cry _

"Lizzy? Are you ok?" 

Liz was lured from the illusions, to realize that she had been crying. She looked at Maria's worried face. 

"I'm fine…it's just that Alex…" She trailed off on her lie. 

"I know chica, I can't believe it neither, but that's what we're trying to find out, right? Alex's murder?"

"Yeah." Liz agreed. 

__Nothing in the world  
Could take us back   
_To where it used to be_

He had slept with Tess. Liz knew as much, and it hurt her badly because he had not waited for her. _It will never be the same, Max. You and I both know it._

__Though I've given you my heart and soul   
_I __must find a way of letting go _

"Liz, we're here." 

Liz nodded and got out of the car. She had to let go of the past, she had promises to keep, to Alex, to Future Max, and to herself. Liz ran after Maria, a single tear running down her cheek, unnoticed. 

_'Cause baby, I don't wanna cry _

~fin~

   [1]: mailto:talena59@lycos.com



	2. I Still Believe

I Still Believe 

**Title:** I Still Believe  
**Author:** talena  
**Disclaimers:** Don't sue 'cause I own nothing except this story.   
**Category:** M/L angst  
**Genre/Spoilers:** Angst.Drama/CYN  
**Author's Notes:** Nothing really to say I guess except hoped it's not that bad and please leave feedback!

  
  
_**You look in my eyes and I get emotional inside  
I know it's crazy, but you still can touch my heart**_  
  
_I'm Liz Parker, and two weeks ago I lost two of my best friends, both taken from me by Fate's cruelty. I thought I would be over Max Evans by now. After all the pain we've put one another through, I thought my heart would finally forget. I was wrong, nothing changed, I still love him, he's still my soul mate, but there's one difference…he stopped believing in me. The one thing I knew Max would always do was believe in me, and now he can't even do that.   
_  
_**And after all this time you think that I, I wouldn't feel the same  
But time melted to nothing and nothing has changed**_  
  
_"You just don't want to admit an alien killed him because then you are responsible!"  
  
"Alex killed himself, there's nothing else to it. Let's go."_   
  
His cold words echoed in the air beside her as she stood staring at the stars, sitting quietly. The words had hurt yes, but when their eyes locked, the iciness in his, shot straight through her heart, piercing and destroying it. No longer was there warmth and love in those depths for her, no longer did she see the usual longing she knew was present in her eyes.   
  
Yes, she still longed for him, just as he had longed for her. When Future Max had come to her, and after she had put on that charade of sleeping with Kyle, Liz had still believed that she and Max would be together one day. Happier and more in love than ever, that thought was what had kept her going. That secret little hope shining brightly in her otherwise miserable and dark world. Her dreams were haunted of what might have been, what should have been, and what still may be.  
  
_**I still believe  
Someday you and me  
Will find ourselves  
In love again  
  
I had a dream  
Someday you and me  
Will find ourselves  
In love again**_  
  
However, everything changed the day of Alex's funeral when he had supported the Sheriff's theory of suicide and would not listen to her reasoning, none of them had, and that had crushed her because she knew that right then Max Evans had stopped believing in her, and the hope she harbored began to diminish.   
  
She vainly struggled to keep it, in effort to keep her sanity, because the only things now that were keeping her going was that small bit of hope, and the desire to prove Alex's death a murder and not suicide. This was proving difficult because everyone had abandoned her; all accepting that Alex had just killed himself, even Maria who knew him better than that would not fight for the truth. While she had been looking through the pictures, flashes came with each image she had touched. These memories of a better time, when everyone seemed happier, careless, haunted her bringing her whatever happiness left to spare in the suddenly bleak world.  
  
_Flash  
  
The six of them at the Quarry before Tess had even entered their lives. Each of them off in their own little pairs.   
  
Flash  
  
Her first kiss with Max…and the many kisses that came after.  
  
Flash  
  
The flutter in her heart at seeing Max again after their summer apart.   
  
Flash  
  
Seeing herself through Max's eyes, learning that in his eyes, she was beautiful.  
  
Flash  
  
Watching Max serenade her, a smile ever present on her face.  
  
Flash  
  
The wedding dance she would never know, dancing with Future Max to their song.  
  
Flash  
  
Dancing with Max in Las Vegas, seeing the flash of them exiting the chapel, newlyweds with only eyes for each other causing her to almost break free from the tangled web of lies._  
  
_**Each day of my life, I'm filled with all the joy I could find  
You know that I am not the desperate type  
If there's one spark of hope left in my grasp I'll hold it with both hands  
It's worth the risk of burning to have a second chance  
  
No, no, no, no, no, no, I need you, baby  
I still believe that we can be together, ho...  
If we believe that true love never has to end  
Then we must know that we will love again  
**_  
Liz was pulled out of her thoughts at the sound of an approaching engine, and her heartbeat sped up upon seeing whom the driver was. The hope sparkling as she watched him stride over to her, hoping against all hopes that he had finally believed her, and that he was here, not to reproach, but to help her.  
  
**_I still believe (Yeah)  
Someday you and me  
Will find ourselves  
In love again (Oh, baby, yeah)  
  
I had a dream  
Someday you and me (You and me)  
Will find ourselves  
In love again_**  
  
"What are you doing here?" He demanded, and her smile faded upon seeing that steely look in his amber depths. Her earlier thoughts vanishing as if they had never existed.  
  
"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm waiting for a cab." She snapped, her heartbeat slowing down again, almost lifeless.  
  
"Where are you going?"   
  
"To the airport, I'm going to Sweden. I know Alex wasn't murdered." She replied, defiance echoing in her voice, defiance she did not feel, and she felt that light of hope beginning to diminish again. In her heart, she missed the way he held her, the way his arms felt like home, and that she need not be anywhere else, but safe in his welcoming embrace.  
  
_**I still believe (Ooh, baby, I do)  
Someday you and me (Just give me one more try)  
In love again  
**_  
_"Max…"  
  
"I'm coming for you Liz Parker."  
  
Flash  
  
"You put your life in danger just to save me. Why?"  
  
"It was you."  
  
Flash  
  
"Don't you realize what you are to me...and you're always gonna be? You're the love of my life. Everyone else is gonna be second best. There'll never be another you!"  
_  
_**I had a dream (I miss your love)  
Someday you and me**_  
  
"That King card might work on Isabel, and it might work on Michael, but you know what Max? I'm not someone you can order around!" She was livid, but her heart was also breaking upon hearing his ultimatum. "If you leave, our friendship's over."  
  
She stared at him a moment, and then resignedly, yet in a strong voice, "That's just a risk I'm willing to take."   
  
_**Will find ourselves  
In love again  
**_  
As the cab drove further and further away from him, she watched as his figure vanished from sight just as any hope she had for their love disappeared also.  
  
_**I still believe (Yeah, I still believe)**_  
  
Max stood staring at the stars, anguish and confusion coursing through him as the thought of everything falling apart came to mind. He was losing everyone he cared for most. First it was Michael, then Alex, and now Isabel and the one person he thought he would always have, Liz. He was drowning and now trying to grasp onto something that could be his safe hold. Hearing footsteps behind him, Max turned around at her voice.   
  
"It's beautiful isn't it?" She commented as she leaned against his jeep, eyes glistening in the moonlight. He nodded in agreement, grasping onto the now visible safe hold. As he continued to converse with the one who was his love, his human side slowly began to disappear as he began to embrace his alien side, finally embracing his destiny with Tess, leaving behind his love for a certain petite doe-eyed brunette.  
  
_**Someday you and me (Baby, yeah)**_  
  
She was angry at herself for caring for what he said, angry at herself for letting him hurt her once again. She was livid beyond belief, and in that brief moment, Liz Parker truly began to believe that she could possibly hate Max Evans, and the thought both sickened her and scared her.  
  
_**Will find ourselves  
**_  
But no matter how much irritation, no matter how much annoyance, hatred, and mistakes that lay between the two, both could not douse that small glimmer of fiery hope and belief for what was once theirs as the two went their separate ways on paths leading away from one another and a love once so sacred.   
  
_**…in love again**_  
  
~*the end*~


End file.
